It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
