she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
