I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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