OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
