Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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