apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
