i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize