She said her name was "party"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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