it hurts more in the daytime
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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