I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
