Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
