he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
