you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
