she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
