Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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