Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
