Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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