the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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