Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
