We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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