Heybabeimwearingurpanties
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
