sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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