I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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