Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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