Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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