the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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