Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
