She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize