You're completely useless in the revolution.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
