I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
