make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
