everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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