Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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