I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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