You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His hands were made for my vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
