You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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