He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
