Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
