please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
