Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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