cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
