shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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