i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
