I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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