Banned from zoo.
Again?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
