do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
