10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
