quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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