Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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