girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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