I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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