; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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