Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
