Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
