Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
