i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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