Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
