Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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