How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
