sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
