His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You have to summon your inner elephant
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
