craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
