Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize