I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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