Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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