ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
