I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
