i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know her cup size but not her name....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
